Differences Between Being A Solo Traveler To Independent Traveler

Enjoying the Alhambra in Spain — alone.

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The idea of solo travel has been trending for years, from small groups of single travelers to people traveling totally on their own. Solo rooms, solo discounts, dining bars in restaurants for solo diners– it keeps on coming as numbers increase.

I’m not currently single, but I do have solo bono fides. I’ve been both divorced and widowed, was a single mom, and then lived alone many of my adult years. And during that time I traveled the world, from Guatemala to Antarctica, on my own. Much of that time was working on guide books, but some of it, was for pure discovery.

I embraced solo life long before it was considered cool: talked about it on panels, founded and edited a website called sololady.com, and wrote a book called Solo Traveler: Tales and Tips for Great Trips.

The zenith of my singledom probably came in 2009 when I posted “Why I’m Alone,” a Huffpost piece that went viral — picked up by Jezebel, CNN and other sites, generating loads of comments and even a parody on a short-lived, snarky platform called Fark.

And the very week that the blog extolling my happy single life appeared, I met the man who would become my husband.

I did feel a bit like a betrayer, so proud of singledom while secretly falling in love. When my beau wanted to marry me, I struggled mightily, afraid to give up my hard-won solo identity. And giving up solo travel.

I adapted to marriage mostly because my husband understands my need for independence and occasional solitude.It wouldn’t have worked otherwise, and he knew it.

As wonderful as it is to share sunsets, coconut drinks with two straws and all those romanticized scenarios, there are times I simply seek the solitude of walking for hours on a quiet beach, waves lapping at my feet, and no place to have to be at no particular time.

When I finished my latest book, a collection of travel tales about the most interesting people places and things I’ve discovered traveling to over 100 countries, I wasn’t surprised to note that almost all of the best tales occurred while I was single.

Traveling on my own I was totally open to experience: meeting others, putting myself in challenges I had to figure out alone, dealing with the unexpected in clever ways.

But looking at the tales in my book I can see that even when I traveled with a group or with children, or husbands or lovers, I may not have always been a solo traveler, but I was always an independent traveler: open, alert, curious, and ready for anything.

Those of us in relationships may have to fight a bit harder to retain the spirit of independence that comes naturally to a solo traveler. We may have to compromise a bit more. But the spirit can remain. And the way to keep that spirit is to continue traveling alone once and awhile, even if it’s only for a weekend.

At a minimum, when traveling with others you can find time to break away on your own for an afternoon or even an hour or two. Your partner may want to go to the beach and you’d rather go to a museum. Talk about it ahead so that you both understand that it’s okay to split and do what you want, then come back together and share your adventures.

Something as simple as a few hours of independent travel can satisfy your need for solitude. Just remember, as in my life, being a solo traveler may come and go, but being an independent traveler can remain forever.

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