‘There are no more rules’
- More Americans are choosing to spend holidays with chosen families or on solo trips.
- LGBTQ+ individuals who lack affirming support systems are finding chosen families through organizations like Stand in Pride.
- Solo travel during the holidays is increasing, with people seeking stress relief and personal growth.
- Travelers are redefining holiday traditions to prioritize their values and well-being.
Cassandra Sheridan spent Thanksgiving at the house of a woman whom she had never met before with a group of new people she knew from the web.
“I plan on staying all day,” Sheridan, 41, said a few days before the gathering. “I’m excited to connect and play and build on what’s already kind of started to build, even just online.”
After living her entire life near Memphis, Sheridan moved to Port Richey, Florida, in July following a divorce and coming out as a queer woman. It’s been tough leaving familiarity behind, but this chosen family is making the transition a little less difficult, she said.
“Coming here, someplace new and not having a family – you have a friend or two, but they have their own family – and doing something with a community-minded group who accept you and they’ve actively shown they want to be a part of your life (has made all the difference),” Sheridan said.
Sheridan is part of the growing number of Americans who are skipping the tradition of going home for the holidays in place of something that better aligns with their values. In a May 2024 survey, the majority of the 2,000 American respondents said they prefer to avoid going home for the holidays, with 85% coming up with a reason not to. Whether finding a chosen family who is more accepting of how they identify or going on a solo trip, these travelers are redefining what it means to celebrate the holidays.
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Celebrating with a chosen family
Sheridan met her Floridian support system through Stand in Pride, a nonprofit that matches LGBTQ+ individuals who have been rejected by their own network to allies wanting to step in as their chosen families. The organization started in 2021 as a series of Facebook groups but has grown into over 300,000 members in 26 countries and is now transitioning to a location-based mobile app.
“What we do is give people the space to put that invitation out or ask for that support,” said Daniel Blevins, founder of Stand in Pride, who was inspired by Free Mom Hugs. The platform acts as a “starting point” for people to get connected and “start those family traditions with their new family” when the holidays come around.
“I think it makes all the difference because it can be very lonely; not just lonely, it can be almost impossible making a transition of anything,” said Sheridan. “They’re family-minded; that’s the way it is for a lot of people. People don’t always have that, especially when they come into a new place or their friends or family or what’s supposed to be their support group aren’t there for them because of how they identify or who they choose to have relationships with.”
Fewer than 40% of LGBTQ+ and transgender or nonbinary youth said their home has been affirming of their identity, according to a 2023 survey by The Trevor Project. Blevins added that Stand in Pride has older members who come out later in life and are estranged from their entire network. The emotional toll of being rejected by your family can be profound, with 41% of LGBTQ+ youth having seriously considered attempting suicide. That number is even higher among people of color and transgender individuals.
The holidays are an especially “overwhelming” time for the organization, as many members around the world are either opening their homes or looking for havens, Blevins said.
“From everything I’ve gotten from talking to our members, it’s a sense of normalcy,” Blevins said. “A lot of times, we grow up with certain traditions with our family, and when we’re estranged, we lose those. It gives us a sense of belonging, and everybody deserves that.”
Going solo
There are also more travelers who are venturing out on their own for the holidays on solo trips. Vacation rental management platform Beyond found that a growing number of travelers are booking solo stays for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Last Thanksgiving, 11.3% of bookings were for single guests, but this year, the figure has risen to 20.6%.
Some are taking advantage of their extended time off or the rise in remote work to use the holidays as a time for themselves. “What’s been going on for the past few years … with COVID and the lockdown … there are no more rules anymore,” said Beyond CEO Julie Brinkman.
“The holidays are incredibly stressful, and the ability to get away from that stress (is appealing),” she added.
Last year, for the first time, Mikala Whitaker skipped Christmas with her friends and family in exchange for crossing a major trip off her bucket list: hiking Mount Kilimanjaro. The North Carolina-based public relations professional had been looking for ways to revive her sense of self following the unexpected ending of her engagement. “I was like, you know I need to give myself something to look forward to, do something really exciting, something to heal from this experience,” she said.
The idea came to her toward the end of the year, and with her office closed around Christmas, she thought, “I’m not going to wait anymore.” Her family supported her decision, she said, adding that “they know that travel is important to me.”
Whitaker, 29, arrived in Tanzania on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas unwinding by the hotel pool, appreciating how quiet the atmosphere was. A few days later, she embarked on the expedition with a group tour, spending New Year’s with her fellow hikers. “It was definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience,” she said.
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